What's With the New MacBook Pro?

ZOMG NEW APPLE PRODUCT

I'm feeling rather troubled about the new MacBook Pro. I suppose I should be impressed with the new notebook simply because it's new, it's silver, and it has a backlit fruit on the cover, but I've never really liked the Apple groupies who think that way.

Basically, I don't know exactly what's going here. There wasn't a huge amount of hype for the new Pro's release (well, unless you found yourself in the depths of the techie blogs, but I try to avoid that corner of the internet), and it just sort of popped up on the Apple site a few days ago. This is weird because Apple's all about the thrill of the chase and making their customers wait in agony, much like the tense hours before 12:01am on Black Friday.

I've been holding off on purchasing a new computer for a few months now, while I wait patiently for my turd of an HP product's hard drive to take the big sleep. I thought to myself: "hey, maybe it's time for a Mac, since my technology IQ is well...just barely functional." After wading through hell and high water with this HP laptop (like when this and this happened), watching the boyfriend have his own maddening experience with the folks at Dell, and seeing a friend's ThinkPad basically turn into an energy-sucking, slow-as-shit hunk of metal, I'm pretty pissed off at the entire PC world (yeah I know, small sample, but I don't have a lot of patience). A Mac seemed like a pretty safe and rather idiot-proof choice, so why would I not wait until the new one came out?

Here it is in its glory (?). Let's look at what it seems to have to offer.

ALL of the features?

"Stunning retina display" - Good graphics. From what I gather, I don't really have to care about this, since I'm not a photographer or a movie director. And for good measure, I'm going to make my own retina display right now. Here it is:

My blog now displays a retina. Retina display. Close enough.

"All-flash architecture" - I think this makes it faster? Aren't the normal MacBook Pro's supposed to be known for being fast? Anyway, I think the old AOL dial-up internet was faster than what my current laptop's giving me, so there's really nowhere to go but up.

"Thin.Light.Powerful." - It's a wee bit smaller than the old MacBook Pros. I suppose that's valid, although I never thought the older generation notebooks were too fat. Are we trying to hybridize with the  MacBook Air?

"The rest of the MacBook Pro family is faster than ever" - Well if the rest of the family is better...I see no reason to go for the new. This is most importantly because the "new" Pro doesn't come in a 13' option. Apple can try to pass this off as 15' being "better" for their new system, but I'm thinking it's just an opportunity to get rid of the cheapest option.

Here are the current listed prices for the new Pro (I know, my pictures suck. I don't have Photoshop; I have Paint):

LAWL at your asking price

The new Pro *starts* at nearly $2,200. Unless it's going to operate at top capacity for 4 years and make me sammiches on the side, I'm not throwing down 2k on a laptop.

If you know anything about the computer world, then you know more than I do. And if you have any suggestions as to where I should look for a new lappy (Mac or otherwise), please do write them below as comments and I will send plentiful smiles and good thoughts your way.

Much love.

Finals/Internet Broken Heart

WHY AM I NOT DONE WITH FINALS YET? One more project. Due Tuesday. I'm living in the dining hall again. It's no wonder finals are making me fat. I can't even justifiably blame it on the stress; it's a personal self-control fail.

But onto even more frustrating problems. Why, why, why can't my netbook seem to keep a stable internet connection in the dining hall? Granted, the internet isn't really vital to my project, but I would love to be able to listen to music online without it skipping and stopping every couple of minutes. Then I have to disconnect from the internet and reconnect. I don't get it. This does not happen on anyone else's computer. This does not happen with my laptop. Is my netbook just too small and frail to keep a stable connection? Instable internet makes me a sad panda. How am I supposed to procrastinate without my facebook and gmail? Oh wait, I spend more time DISCONNECTING AND RECONNECTING to the internet. Talk about a totally unfulfilling procrastination. 

I cannot take these blocks of silence. All I want is a continuous stream of music please. That's it. I won't even procrastinate (as much) if I could just listen to my music like a normal human being. This is actually beyond frustrating. Lightyears beyond frustrating. Stupid netbook. Stupid internet. Stupid dining hall. Stupid project. 

Also, I am in love LOVE love with the song "Stereo Love" and every time it skips on me, my heart breaks a little bit. Seriously. In fact, I'm listening to it right now. And it makes me want to dance and be productive and take a vacation all at once. That's conflicting. I want it on repeat. I'm in (stereo) love.

Want. Want so much.

The music video is also amazing. Here are some reasons why I can't stop watching it:

• Attractive male 
• Epic walking
• Beautiful Grecian (I think) beaches and white houses
• Epic stair-climbing

Where's my attractive male that I can walk (epicly) on Grecian islands with? I want one.

Other songs that I've been listening to on repeat for the past couple of days:

1. Kids - MGMT
2. Marry You - Bruno Mars (credit: Julian)
3. F*ck You - Cee Lo Green
4. Grenade - Bruno Mars 
5. Magic - B.o.B
6. Please Don't Go - Mike Posner (credit: Julian)
7. Memories - David Guetta
8. 2012 - Jay Sean
9. Animal - Neon Trees
10. Right Above It - Lil Wayne (credit: Jordan)

Power playlist right there. 

How to: Increase your blood pressure in an instant

The night started well - I had my usual spot in the dining hall right next the electrical socket. Laptop was plugged in, headphones on, Pandora rocking my world with whale songs and ocean sounds. It was the night before a final exam and I was determined to study until midnight, go to bed, and awake the next morning bright and shiny and ready to go. 

Sometimes, life gets in the way.

And by that, I mean sometimes, you spill en entire cup of Sprite Zero on your laptop's keyboard. And sometimes, the screen goes black and the machine turns off. And sometimes, you suddenly realize that your seven page hand made study guide lies within that very black screen. And sometimes, you turn it upside down and liquid drains out of the POWER BUTTON. And sometimes, you come very close to a panic attack.

Okay, that's an exaggeration. But it was just as terrifying. 

It's a classic case of having the worst timing ever for a disaster. Welcome to my life. I can't seem to go more than a few months without falling into some sort of technological disaster. But the night before my exam? Really? Clearly, this is a punishment. I've been doing something wrong lately, and the universe is telling me, not so subtly, to knock it the hell off. Picture a small, already finals-stressed, now semi-hysterical, sweating girl yelling about the end of the world and frantically pulling an entire tree worth of napkins from the dispenser. Picture chaos, personified.

Mmm yep, I pushed it. 

 Everyone is staring but NO ONE IS HELPING. I have mopped the entire keyboard several times, and allowed the power button to drain until the soda river stopped running. It's not turning on. Oh god, it's not turning on. I am approaching point of hysteria and decide that I must remove the laptop's bottom. Immediately. But my Swiss army knife's (yes, I have one) screwdrivers are too big. Must recruit the help of boys with toolboxes. After trying five more screwdrivers, I come across one that fits. Talk about Cinderella and the glass slipper. Gosh. Approximately 20 screws are removed and the bottom will not detach. It will still not turn on. 

This is me. Picture credit: Edvard Munch

Yes, I am a crazyperson, despite being fully aware that hysteria is not cute. I'm cursing more than a sailor receiving a tattoo on the main deck in the middle of a typhoon. I'm sweating like it's a hundred degrees outside. My eyes probably have the crazed glimmer of a wounded animal in them. I cannot fix this.

After approximately three hours of this behavior, combated by the tolerance, help, and patience of friends, my laptop returned to the world of the living. It's seen the white light and returned. My HP has shunned the technological grim reaper. I want to sing hallelujah and dance a merry dance. Just kidding. I actually just want to pass out because my adrenaline levels have been spiked so high for so long now. 

Lessons learned

1. Laptop areas = covered cup zones. Or a 6+in space between computer and liquid.
2. I have poor crisis coping mechanisms.
3. I have marvelous friends. 

Great big thank you to everyone who experienced my crisis, helped to revive (read: totally fix) my laptop, and told me that contrary to my beliefs, the world was not about to end. This list includes but is not limited to:

Ariel

Brian

Jack

Jordan

Maria

Nolan

Rena

Sean

Steve

Wes

Yes, this list is alphabetized. I do that sometimes.