Shame on me if you fool me twice...

This is the summer of technological strife. If you remember the rain situation, you can probably imagine how vigilant I've been to keep the skylight closed every freaking time I walk out of the room. So vigilant. And yet, it happened again. The unthinkable, freak rain-storm-right-into-my-room tragedy has come back for round two.

The day had been 95 degrees with a spotless sky. By 9pm, the sky was dark, but it was still hot. Thus, I thought it would be perfectly reasonable to leave the windows open while I went to the gym for 30 minutes. I didn't even know that it was raining until I walked out the door to head home. And then I ran home. I ran home to find a completely sopping bed, a lake in the middle of my floor, a soggy and wrinkly Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, a dripping and blinking cell phone, and a wet, wet computer. It's like when you have the same nightmare on two different nights, except the part where you wake up and realize it's not real. It was so, so real. In fact, it was so real that my cell phone was flashing all over the place like an overzealous firefly and the touch screen was moving all over the place like it was being controlled by a spectre. I also had to finish my novel while it was still wet, because I was too impatient to let it dry out.

My cell phone, I can do without. My netbook, I cannot. Especially since my normal laptop is STILL being fixed at the HP center somewhere in the midwest. But that's another story that threatens to bring me to tears, the moral being that by the time I get it back, it will have been gone for two full months. SO MUCH INCOMPETENCE.

The netbook was damaged. So damaged. I did the whole shut it off, turn it into a camping tent and blow a desk fan on it for hours and hours deal. A day later, I turned it on to find that it was 95% functional. Unfortunately, the 5% shitty part was that THE LEFT CLICKER WOULD NOT CLICK THINGS. Well, it clicked sometimes. But only if it felt like it. And that wasn't most of the time.

Panicking, I turned it off again, took out the battery, re-constructed the tent (inverted V), and didn't touch it for two days, hoping and praying that the heavens would smile upon me and give me one more chance to prove that I can learn from my mistakes (my track record kind of sucks).

The good news is that I'm typing this post on my netbook right now. The bad news is that the left clicker takes like 10 minutes to warm up to usage once the netbook lid is opened. I also can't make exclamation points with the shift key on the left anymore. The shift key works for everything else, just not exclamation points. I can make them with the right shift key though! <-- proof. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that the left clicker doesn't decide to kick the bucket permanently. Otherwise, there's a good chance I'll melt into a puddle of sad.

These are my urban woes and struggles. I've grown so dependent upon the intertoobs. Granted, I would just read at night, but I broke my school-issue lamp trying to kill a mosquito and the overhead light is weaker than Annenberg's coffee. My life has turned into a crappy sitcom with an extremely accident-prone main character. Sigh.

How to: Increase your blood pressure in an instant

The night started well - I had my usual spot in the dining hall right next the electrical socket. Laptop was plugged in, headphones on, Pandora rocking my world with whale songs and ocean sounds. It was the night before a final exam and I was determined to study until midnight, go to bed, and awake the next morning bright and shiny and ready to go. 

Sometimes, life gets in the way.

And by that, I mean sometimes, you spill en entire cup of Sprite Zero on your laptop's keyboard. And sometimes, the screen goes black and the machine turns off. And sometimes, you suddenly realize that your seven page hand made study guide lies within that very black screen. And sometimes, you turn it upside down and liquid drains out of the POWER BUTTON. And sometimes, you come very close to a panic attack.

Okay, that's an exaggeration. But it was just as terrifying. 

It's a classic case of having the worst timing ever for a disaster. Welcome to my life. I can't seem to go more than a few months without falling into some sort of technological disaster. But the night before my exam? Really? Clearly, this is a punishment. I've been doing something wrong lately, and the universe is telling me, not so subtly, to knock it the hell off. Picture a small, already finals-stressed, now semi-hysterical, sweating girl yelling about the end of the world and frantically pulling an entire tree worth of napkins from the dispenser. Picture chaos, personified.

Mmm yep, I pushed it. 

 Everyone is staring but NO ONE IS HELPING. I have mopped the entire keyboard several times, and allowed the power button to drain until the soda river stopped running. It's not turning on. Oh god, it's not turning on. I am approaching point of hysteria and decide that I must remove the laptop's bottom. Immediately. But my Swiss army knife's (yes, I have one) screwdrivers are too big. Must recruit the help of boys with toolboxes. After trying five more screwdrivers, I come across one that fits. Talk about Cinderella and the glass slipper. Gosh. Approximately 20 screws are removed and the bottom will not detach. It will still not turn on. 

This is me. Picture credit: Edvard Munch

Yes, I am a crazyperson, despite being fully aware that hysteria is not cute. I'm cursing more than a sailor receiving a tattoo on the main deck in the middle of a typhoon. I'm sweating like it's a hundred degrees outside. My eyes probably have the crazed glimmer of a wounded animal in them. I cannot fix this.

After approximately three hours of this behavior, combated by the tolerance, help, and patience of friends, my laptop returned to the world of the living. It's seen the white light and returned. My HP has shunned the technological grim reaper. I want to sing hallelujah and dance a merry dance. Just kidding. I actually just want to pass out because my adrenaline levels have been spiked so high for so long now. 

Lessons learned

1. Laptop areas = covered cup zones. Or a 6+in space between computer and liquid.
2. I have poor crisis coping mechanisms.
3. I have marvelous friends. 

Great big thank you to everyone who experienced my crisis, helped to revive (read: totally fix) my laptop, and told me that contrary to my beliefs, the world was not about to end. This list includes but is not limited to:

Ariel

Brian

Jack

Jordan

Maria

Nolan

Rena

Sean

Steve

Wes

Yes, this list is alphabetized. I do that sometimes.