Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Questionable Fashion Choices in Santa Monica

Cheers, I'm in Santa Monica, California for the summer!
Cali, brah! Weeee!
I understand that a large part of life in So-Cal is looking super hawt all the time. It seems that people here are pretty constantly looking to stay on top of the latest fashion trends, but just because you're trying doesn't mean that you're succeeding.

I'm no Miranda Priestly (if you didn't get that reference, you should re-evaluate your life), but I can generally differentiate between what looks good and what doesn't. I know that Hollywood and all that jazz is out on this coast, but don't forget that not all new trends are winners.

Hey Cali, you lose 1,000 internet points simply for being
the epicenter of American Apparel and its ilk.
Here are some of the more egregious (women's) fashion "don'ts" that I've come across in the last two weeks.

1. Uggs - I'm from New England and I own a few pairs of super-fuzzy boots myself, so who am I to criticize Uggs being worn here, right?

  • First of all, unless you're located in the southern hemisphere, Uggs aren't even close to appropriate for late May/early April. Does no one respect the concept of seasonal dress anymore? Does this mean I can wear mini-skirts in the middle of a New England January?
  • Second of all, you're wearing them with shorts. If we're going to start mixing everything up, I suppose I'll start wearing rainboots to work when it's sunny and I'll go for a jog in my favorite pair of stilettos. Okay.
  • Third, aren't your ankles sweating like crazy? It's sunny and approximately 70 degrees here every day. You know why we wear Uggs in New England? Because it's 30 degrees and there are 2 inches of snow on the ground. People are AT THE BEACH right now and you're wearing furry boots? I can't.
2. Bikinis and Sneakers - On first glance, I said to myself, "well that's odd." Then, I realized that people are actually JOGGING on the beach in their bikinis. Sorry chicas, but a triangle top just doesn't provide the amount of support that the girls need for so much bouncing around. Fix it.

3. Yoga Pants - I like yoga pants as much as the next person, but they seem to adorn the buttocks of every single female living in the city of Santa Monica. I've recently been told that the yoga sensation is something of a fraud, and that most women sporting their Lululemon capris aren't really coming from yoga class. They just don't want to wear real pants. You have awesome quads, we get it. Now go put on some jeans.

4. High Heels - Call me old fashioned (or lame), but I generally reserve my heels for date nights and special occasions. Apparently, it's totally normal to wear them for a Saturday noontime stroll downtown. As a girl who is 4'10" and has a case of arthritis in her left foot that prevents me from wearing heels for long periods of time, I most heartily do not approve of this trend.

5. Seersucker, Sperry Topsiders, salmon pants, etc. - I actually laughed out loud (but actually, not just in the "I loled!" sense) the first time I saw a Brooks Brothers out here. It's cute that you're trying, but we've really got this look under control over on the east coast. It would be like trying to compete with France over berets. Don't bother.

6. Tattoos - Not technically clothing, although it basically could be here. It's not like I've never seen tattoos before, but it seems like EVERYONE here has at least one in a very visible place. I get that office culture tends to be more lax here than in the northeast, but jeeze. You all do know that it's permanent, right?

No comments:

Post a Comment