Technological Struggle and Woe: Part 100,002

The incompetence of Hewlett Packard knows no bounds. NO BOUNDS. After this epic fail, I had them send out another box so that they could attempt once again to convince me that they don't totally suck. After the second box was shipped out so that HP could fix the mistakes that they made, I found out that the friendly customer service representative did not write "Staples" on the address label. Therefore, FedEx refused to deliver the empty box to the address, which is a business complex. Okay, fine. What was not fine was that FedEx did not call me to let me know about this hang up. I only found out about it because, having lost all faith in tech support everywhere, I checked the box's tracking number to find that it never left the shipping station in South Boston. Ironic, because there is a FedEx shipping depot right in Harvard Square. But leaving it there would have been too practical for the hate-mongers technicians who have so taken it upon themselves to push my buttons.

Why still in South Boston. WHY. GO TO CAMBRIDGE.

I can fix this problem, right? I call FedEx to politely tell them that it needs to be delivered to Staples. Interestingly, I'm informed that they do not have the jurisdiction to change any part of the shipping address. I'll have to call HP to have them write the word "Staples" on the box. This is an empty box. They cannot write the word "Staples" on a box full of air.

At this point, I'm pretty ripshit that HP has screwed me over for the umpteenth time, so I call their customer care pissmeoff line to sort things out. After 45 minutes of hell on the phone, I learn that HP DOES NOT HAVE THE JURISDICTION TO CHANGE AN ADDRESS THAT THEY WROTE. Thusly, they are sending yet another box to Massachusetts, this one with the word "Staples" on the label. I will arrive in 24-48 business hours.

I'm pretty damn convinced that HP actually stands for Hate&Petulance. Never have I ever experienced customer service in any capacity as incompetent and hindered by red tape as that which I've been dealing with for the last month and a half. The very ice of a thousand virgin strawberry daiquiris could not begin to quell the red hot ire that burns within my soul every time I think about how long I have been separated from my lappy.

I hate HP. I hate that company with the white-hot intensity of a nuclear catastrophe. Never again will I purchase a product with their sorry label on it. Just for the record, the only reason that I've stayed on this carousel of horror for as long as I have is because my laptop is still under warranted, and being pissed off for two months costs a lot less than purchasing a new piece of technology. But after this, it's all over. And I will not be shy about telling everyone I come into contact with that HP's customer service department is populated with insufferable fools. FOOLS, I TELL YOU.

This is me.

Technological Struggle and Woe: Part 100,001

Hi, my name is April and I will never purchase an HP product again. But let me back up and explain.

Today, my laptop came home to me. If you don't know, it's been out floating around the American midwest for the last month and a half due to a lot of miscommunication and thanks to a certain Staples employee for not sending it out until 2 weeks after he promised to. But today, I cast all of that frustration aside. I even looked past the fact that a FedEx employee called me at the ungodly hour of 7:30am this morning to verify the shipping address. Whatever. My laptop is back. FINALLY.

So I walked home with my toy, beaming and giddy. Open the package to find all of the pieces. Score. They broke a piece of plastic off the corner, which kind of dampened the mood, but at that point, I was so happy to have it back that I was willing to overlook the lumps and bumps of the road. According to the repair sheet, my fan and heat sink were both replaced and my system was reverted to original Windows settings due to a software malfunction. Cool.

What was not cool was when I turned on my lappy to see that my system had in fact not been reverted to the original Windows settings. In fact, not one of my customizations or programs had been altered. I can only assume that they simply didn't fix the software problem.

Okay, really not thrilled at this point, but all I want to do right now is video chat on Skype. I've been missing my video chat for quite a while now and I just want it back. So I turn on Skype, click the "video call" button and WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE IS NO SOUND CARD DETECTED? As in, no functional microphone or speakers. Okay, now I am angry. I was willing to deal with one mistake, then two, but I need sound. My best guess is that they took out the sound card when they went to replace the fan and just never put it back in. Okay, I suck with technology, but I know that if you're left with spare parts, you've probably done something wrong. The sound card is either screwed into the machine, or it's not. If it's lying on the table next to your elbow, take 60 more seconds and put it back in the laptop. Noticing whether or not you have spare parts when you shouldn't is not rocket science.

Aw, hello no. Not tolerable.

At this point, I am at my wits' end and gearing up to call the HP support line to give them a piece of my mind. Nicely, that is, because I know it's not actually the guy on the phone's fault.

No device? I want to punch HP in the solar plexus right now.

The next hour consisted of demands that came in the form of pleas, a few tears of frustration, and conversations with at least 4 HP operators. The final verdict is that yet another repair box will be shipped to me tomorrow, I will say goodbye to my laptop yet again, and resume the pattern of sad, lonely nights that I've fallen into in the past week. Despite my testy insisting that I am now sending this out for a second time with new and improved issues, I was told that no one had the authority to expedite the shipping. Yeah right. I'm guessing that's because I'm a lowly peon and not some CEO who wants his lappy fixed NAO or he'll sue. Anyway, I did receive promises that my case will have an ostentatious "customer is pissed, so fix this quickly, and fix it correctly" notification on it. Or something along those lines.

And that's why I will never buy another HP product. Because I am currently a woefully unsatisfied customer.

Also, HP still thinks that my last name is "Sterry." Even though I spell it as "ess as in sam, pee as in peter, e, r, r, y" and I tell them "like the shoe company." 1. Why would I ever say "tee as in teter?" and 2. There is no Sterry shoe company. Or maybe there is and they make knock off boating shoes. Like, canoeing shoes or something. But that's a side rant.

Technological Struggle and Woe: Part 100,000

For anyone I haven't talked to recently... that's because I don't have a computer and I've had to rely on the science center lab for the last few days. The good news is that my laptop should *theoretically* be back from HP services in the town of whoknowswhere in the midwest by this Tuesday or Wednesday. Woot.

But you might say: "what about your netbook? Don't be that girl who wants a big laptop or nothing at all."

Well, as you might remember from this fateful day, my netbook got...moistened, if you will, when I left the skylight open, not expecting an impromptu rainstorm. After a few days of letting the machine dry out, I turned it on to find that I could no longer make exclamation points with the left shift key, and the sensor pad was acting a little funny, but other than that, everything seemed good. I bought a wireless mouse (I had totally forgotten how much mouses, mice (?) rock compared to touch pads), which seemed to clear up the left-clicking problem. There were a few days of bliss; everything seemed to be going well. And then my poor babe had a relapse. I turned it on a few nights ago to find that I had lost the backspace and delete keys, the tilde key, and most of the F(number) row. Weird. So I turned it off and on again. The screen never came back. The flashing lights told me it was on, but all I got was the black screen of death. Turned it off and on again; this time, it halfway turned itself on and then shut off completely.

Oh no. By this time, I figured I had done enough damage and should just bring it to the tech people at school. After all, they know what to do with this sort of thing. They fix disasters, right? So in the depths of the overly-air-conditioned (seriously, the building is arctic), I learned three truths.
1. My hard drive is fine and all of my files could be saved (win)
2. My RAM card is fine (again, win)
3. My motherboard has died a most untimely death. It has entered the void and will never come back to me (so, SO not a win)

My netbook had given me a few beautiful days of operation, but apparently, they had been destined to be its final breaths before it gave in to whatever water damage had apparently so softly grazed its circuitry. It was two years old. Still a juvenile and in the prime of its life. I had even just cleaned the entire keyboard; it was shiny and everything.

Upon hearing of my netbook's fate, I developed a whopping case of the epicsadz and began my search for a new motherboard, hoping and praying that my father would be able to install it himself, to avoid paying someone else $200 to do it. Who knew that the motherboard is the bulk of the cost of a computer? Not me. There's apparently no such thing as repair on a budget. Especially when for not a whole lot more, I could have a slightly less powerful, brandy new and updated version of my dear, lost friend. This is the story of how my debit card took an expensive punch in the face as I found myself having to purchase a new piece of technology (and not have to worry that something besides the motherboard would also need replacement). Yes, spending money of any amount makes me feel like I have acid reflux, but I know that I cannot bring my super heavy, 1.5 hour battery life, T-rex of a laptop to and from class, the library, etc. Sometimes, I feel like it's going to yell at me when I move it around too much.

So again, we come to the realization that I've become borderline addicted to gmail/facebook/skype/hulu, so much so that I've been hurting in the days that I haven't had a computer whenever I want it. It's sad, but I only need my computer as much as any other technology-age person does, so before you scoff at my inability to make my own fun, think about your own life. You're sitting in front of your computer RIGHT NAO. Seriously, go out and play.

On the upside, I've been napping and reading like an absolute champ. I'll take successes, even when they're tiny. I guess that just means that they're more fitting for my stature.

Not a bad substitute of my time. Actually, it rocks.

Also, I've discovered that the COOP has an entire book shelf devoted to Tolkein. Their textbooks prices might suck, but they're doing something right.