New (school) year's resolutions

I feel like I should have a beginning of the year resolution list. I'll likely break everything on here within the first month of school, but at least I can say that I'm trying. So, just to appear hardcore and driven and committed, here's a list of things that I am ABSOLUTELY going to do this year. And because everyone should be just like me, I guess this also doubles as a list of things that all college students everywhere should do.**

1. Don't stress. Lolz to the idea that I'll actually be able to sustain this one, considering the fact that I'm generally about as relaxed as a coiled spring. But it's a nice thought, no? I can at least tell myself right now that I'm not going to turn into a stressbomb once the first assignment comes due. Riiight. -_-
2. Be proactive with the work. I'm not going to be the fool who starts everything the night before it's due. I already know that I have two papers due on the same day in October, so I should really start one of them RIGHT NAO. I promise to leave nothing to the 11th hour. At least not on purpose.
3. Buy a smartphone. Because honestly, I hate being away from a computer for 4 hours and then finding 20 new and urgent emails. Also, my NV Touch has basically entered the technological convalescent home for the feeble and temperamental, leaving me with the desire for something shiny and new (and I want apps so baaaaaaaaaad).
4. Go out to parties. I basically stopped doing the social thing last year. I don't really like belligerently drunken, sloppy females or leering, predatory males, but this year, I'm determined to find the parties with the normal people. I even brought tall shoes that make me appear to be average height without tearing my feet to bloody shreds. I need to take advantage of this before I get lazy again and decide to spend my Saturday nights watching movies in my PJs.
5. Actually do something/go someplace for J term/spring break. Because sitting on the couch at home, eating cereal and watching Millionaire Matchmaker and Teen Mom just doesn't scream "best vacation ever."
6. Make it the whole year without computer trouble. Given the fact that electronics come to me when they're ready to pass onto the great surge protector in the sky, this resolution is SO not going to happen, but I can at least pretend like it will be so. Actually, I've already failed. My laptop won't actually be arriving at school until tomorrow because my sweet father is so kindly repairing its broken hinge at home.

This is the state in which I received my computer back from HP. I hope they go belly up.

**Disclaimer: You probably don't actually want to be just like me. I trip a lot and I get stress induced acid reflux/back spasms. Technology also fails in my presence.

Technological Struggle and Woe: Part 100,002

The incompetence of Hewlett Packard knows no bounds. NO BOUNDS. After this epic fail, I had them send out another box so that they could attempt once again to convince me that they don't totally suck. After the second box was shipped out so that HP could fix the mistakes that they made, I found out that the friendly customer service representative did not write "Staples" on the address label. Therefore, FedEx refused to deliver the empty box to the address, which is a business complex. Okay, fine. What was not fine was that FedEx did not call me to let me know about this hang up. I only found out about it because, having lost all faith in tech support everywhere, I checked the box's tracking number to find that it never left the shipping station in South Boston. Ironic, because there is a FedEx shipping depot right in Harvard Square. But leaving it there would have been too practical for the hate-mongers technicians who have so taken it upon themselves to push my buttons.

Why still in South Boston. WHY. GO TO CAMBRIDGE.

I can fix this problem, right? I call FedEx to politely tell them that it needs to be delivered to Staples. Interestingly, I'm informed that they do not have the jurisdiction to change any part of the shipping address. I'll have to call HP to have them write the word "Staples" on the box. This is an empty box. They cannot write the word "Staples" on a box full of air.

At this point, I'm pretty ripshit that HP has screwed me over for the umpteenth time, so I call their customer care pissmeoff line to sort things out. After 45 minutes of hell on the phone, I learn that HP DOES NOT HAVE THE JURISDICTION TO CHANGE AN ADDRESS THAT THEY WROTE. Thusly, they are sending yet another box to Massachusetts, this one with the word "Staples" on the label. I will arrive in 24-48 business hours.

I'm pretty damn convinced that HP actually stands for Hate&Petulance. Never have I ever experienced customer service in any capacity as incompetent and hindered by red tape as that which I've been dealing with for the last month and a half. The very ice of a thousand virgin strawberry daiquiris could not begin to quell the red hot ire that burns within my soul every time I think about how long I have been separated from my lappy.

I hate HP. I hate that company with the white-hot intensity of a nuclear catastrophe. Never again will I purchase a product with their sorry label on it. Just for the record, the only reason that I've stayed on this carousel of horror for as long as I have is because my laptop is still under warranted, and being pissed off for two months costs a lot less than purchasing a new piece of technology. But after this, it's all over. And I will not be shy about telling everyone I come into contact with that HP's customer service department is populated with insufferable fools. FOOLS, I TELL YOU.

This is me.

Technological Struggle and Woe: Part 100,001

Hi, my name is April and I will never purchase an HP product again. But let me back up and explain.

Today, my laptop came home to me. If you don't know, it's been out floating around the American midwest for the last month and a half due to a lot of miscommunication and thanks to a certain Staples employee for not sending it out until 2 weeks after he promised to. But today, I cast all of that frustration aside. I even looked past the fact that a FedEx employee called me at the ungodly hour of 7:30am this morning to verify the shipping address. Whatever. My laptop is back. FINALLY.

So I walked home with my toy, beaming and giddy. Open the package to find all of the pieces. Score. They broke a piece of plastic off the corner, which kind of dampened the mood, but at that point, I was so happy to have it back that I was willing to overlook the lumps and bumps of the road. According to the repair sheet, my fan and heat sink were both replaced and my system was reverted to original Windows settings due to a software malfunction. Cool.

What was not cool was when I turned on my lappy to see that my system had in fact not been reverted to the original Windows settings. In fact, not one of my customizations or programs had been altered. I can only assume that they simply didn't fix the software problem.

Okay, really not thrilled at this point, but all I want to do right now is video chat on Skype. I've been missing my video chat for quite a while now and I just want it back. So I turn on Skype, click the "video call" button and WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE IS NO SOUND CARD DETECTED? As in, no functional microphone or speakers. Okay, now I am angry. I was willing to deal with one mistake, then two, but I need sound. My best guess is that they took out the sound card when they went to replace the fan and just never put it back in. Okay, I suck with technology, but I know that if you're left with spare parts, you've probably done something wrong. The sound card is either screwed into the machine, or it's not. If it's lying on the table next to your elbow, take 60 more seconds and put it back in the laptop. Noticing whether or not you have spare parts when you shouldn't is not rocket science.

Aw, hello no. Not tolerable.

At this point, I am at my wits' end and gearing up to call the HP support line to give them a piece of my mind. Nicely, that is, because I know it's not actually the guy on the phone's fault.

No device? I want to punch HP in the solar plexus right now.

The next hour consisted of demands that came in the form of pleas, a few tears of frustration, and conversations with at least 4 HP operators. The final verdict is that yet another repair box will be shipped to me tomorrow, I will say goodbye to my laptop yet again, and resume the pattern of sad, lonely nights that I've fallen into in the past week. Despite my testy insisting that I am now sending this out for a second time with new and improved issues, I was told that no one had the authority to expedite the shipping. Yeah right. I'm guessing that's because I'm a lowly peon and not some CEO who wants his lappy fixed NAO or he'll sue. Anyway, I did receive promises that my case will have an ostentatious "customer is pissed, so fix this quickly, and fix it correctly" notification on it. Or something along those lines.

And that's why I will never buy another HP product. Because I am currently a woefully unsatisfied customer.

Also, HP still thinks that my last name is "Sterry." Even though I spell it as "ess as in sam, pee as in peter, e, r, r, y" and I tell them "like the shoe company." 1. Why would I ever say "tee as in teter?" and 2. There is no Sterry shoe company. Or maybe there is and they make knock off boating shoes. Like, canoeing shoes or something. But that's a side rant.

HP is epic, but with some borrowing

I won't lie. I was really impressed by Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1. I mean, I've only been anticipating its release for months now. And it delivered. My blood pressure remained unhealthily high throughout the film (always ready for something to jump out and scare the living daylights out of me), and after 2 and a half hours of Potter, I left the theater feeling rather winded and exhausted. As fantastic as the film was, however, I thought that it had quite a lot of...overlap with the Lord of the Rings film trilogy. Like, a questionable amount of overlap.

TWO THUMBS UP, DUH.

Similarities between HP7 and Lord of the Rings

• Barren scenery with lush mountains in the distance
• Rapid switches between loud music and jolts of silence
• Flashes to scenes that are not really explained or played out in full
• Flashes of a great wizard falling down, down, down  
• Musical score -- not the same, but containing a lot of the same thematic motifs and elements (except for the music of the final scene, which sounded a lot like the Pirates of the Caribbean theme song in a different key)
• In the characters' search to destroy an evil object, they wear it on a chain around their neck and become corrupted and weakened by its power
• Elves are supercool

So.Much.Intensity.

Harry and Hermione on their way to Mordor?