Fashion don'ts for college (and beyond)

I'm not Tim Gunn, but I'm going to have to agree with GQ that Boston is America's least fashionable city. And yes, I know that Cambridge is not technically Boston, but let's be real. It really is the same city. One would assume that by the time functioning people reach college age, they would have some sort of conception of what looks good and what...just doesn't. Here are a few "trends" that I see ALL over this college's campus and that I simply cannot stand.

Shorts with visible pockets - Congratulations, you can fit an ass-ton of items in your pockets. Not that you ever will, because you're a girl, and that's what a purse is for. It also looks like your thighs have wings.

My, what big...pockets you have?
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Shorts too short - Oh hey shortie...McShortShortWoahICanSeeYourAss. I don't care how physically fit you are. I don't care how hot you are. I don't want to see your donk on my way to class. It's inapro.

Not cute.
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Really, really ripped jeans - If your pants are a little distressed, that's fine. Maybe you're going for the hipster look. Maybe you're just super attached to your favorite pair and you're unwilling to leave them in their old age. Cool. But if it looks like you just tried (unsuccessfully) to climb over a barbed wire fence, you probably just belong with the rest of the grunge kids who sleep in the Commons.

Homeless is the new high fashion.
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Disgrace.
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Uggs and shorts - I don't care if you're Vanessa Hudgens, Snooki, or anyone else on this planet, this doesn't look good on you, I promise. I get that we're in that awkward transition time between summer and fall, but when you wake up in the morning, choose one season and commit.

           

And a scarf. She's really confused.
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Seersucker - This one just gives me the willies (I think it's because the crinkles and stripes are perpendicular to one another, which pisses me off). This fabric is acceptable in two locations only. 1. On the yacht, and 2. In your private box at the horse race track. It also kind of makes men look like cotton candy.

I really don't care where you summer.
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To all the offenders out there: stop it right now.