College and the common cold blues

Falling ill while at school is the very definition of the word "misery." My immune system is pretty baller and I only really get sick once or twice a year. It usually lasts for about 24 hours and then I'm fine. I don't visit the doctor unless death is on the horizon.

FEEL BAD FOR ME

** Note the sadface, blanket, and the mug of tea. Oh, and the oxford comma in that last sentence YEAH.

I've just passed the one week point and I'm confused and unhappy about it. I've dealt with the sore throat, body aches, and congestion akin to what would happen if you rubbed a shedding cat on my face. I also lost my voice and sounded like a man-lurking-in-the-bushes for 3 or 4 days. I cannot breathe, I cannot smell, my ears keep popping in and out, and I'm all gross and snivelly.

And here's the worst part: college has no sick days. Assignments don't get postponed because you need extra sleep (like, 8 full hours or something...ultra rare!). All I want is a self-wallowing pity party, but my commitments keep floating around in front of me. I actually have, you know...stuff to do. I'm not getting anything done because I feel like death, and yet I can't take a nap because I'll feel guilty if I'm intentionally not working. This is a vicious circle if I ever saw one.

I've made it through a bottle and a half of DayQuil (which tastes like it was brewed by the devil himself), more than 2 rolls of toilet paper (for my NOSE. Tissues are expensive and toilet paper is free. I'm not cheap, I'm frugal), and a bag of Halls. WTF common cold. Taking medicine is totally not my style.

I'm that kid that everyone made fun of in middle school. The one who's coughing like their extra-curricular is coal mining and making gross snarf-a-larf-a-larf noises as they suffer through class (totally worse in a 200 person lecture). I'm the kid that no one wants to sit next to because let's be real. Ew. I am Hester Prynne, ostracized and condemned by society. It gives me the sadz.

Okay, I'm done playing myself the world's saddest song on the world's smallest violin. This is the part where you pity me back with chocolate, tea, and Puff's lotion infused tissues, kay?

Fashion don'ts for college (and beyond)

I'm not Tim Gunn, but I'm going to have to agree with GQ that Boston is America's least fashionable city. And yes, I know that Cambridge is not technically Boston, but let's be real. It really is the same city. One would assume that by the time functioning people reach college age, they would have some sort of conception of what looks good and what...just doesn't. Here are a few "trends" that I see ALL over this college's campus and that I simply cannot stand.

Shorts with visible pockets - Congratulations, you can fit an ass-ton of items in your pockets. Not that you ever will, because you're a girl, and that's what a purse is for. It also looks like your thighs have wings.

My, what big...pockets you have?
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Shorts too short - Oh hey shortie...McShortShortWoahICanSeeYourAss. I don't care how physically fit you are. I don't care how hot you are. I don't want to see your donk on my way to class. It's inapro.

Not cute.
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Really, really ripped jeans - If your pants are a little distressed, that's fine. Maybe you're going for the hipster look. Maybe you're just super attached to your favorite pair and you're unwilling to leave them in their old age. Cool. But if it looks like you just tried (unsuccessfully) to climb over a barbed wire fence, you probably just belong with the rest of the grunge kids who sleep in the Commons.

Homeless is the new high fashion.
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Disgrace.
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Uggs and shorts - I don't care if you're Vanessa Hudgens, Snooki, or anyone else on this planet, this doesn't look good on you, I promise. I get that we're in that awkward transition time between summer and fall, but when you wake up in the morning, choose one season and commit.

           

And a scarf. She's really confused.
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Seersucker - This one just gives me the willies (I think it's because the crinkles and stripes are perpendicular to one another, which pisses me off). This fabric is acceptable in two locations only. 1. On the yacht, and 2. In your private box at the horse race track. It also kind of makes men look like cotton candy.

I really don't care where you summer.
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To all the offenders out there: stop it right now.