Saturday, January 1, 2011

New Year's Eve Mediocrity

Happy New Year y'all,

Did everyone have a rockin' New Year's Eve, filled with happiness, debauchery, and photos? I certainly hope so, because I'd love to live vicariously through people's Facebook photos. Personally, my New Year's Eve consisted of watching a DVD in my living room, but that's mostly because I think that New Year's is a sham of a holiday. Here's why:

1. Our calender is arbitrary. There's no real beginning and end of the year, so many, many years ago, a couple of ancients decided that they would put the start-stop point some time in the middle of a season.

Well, if you want to be all mainstream.

2. New Year's doesn't even mark the beginning of a season. Wouldn't it make more sense for a year to be a complete cycle of spring, summer, fall, and winter (or any variation of this pattern, depending on one's position on the planet) -- the next year would start at the beginning of the next spring (or other beginning season). Okay, this is really an offshoot of number one.

LOOK. One year. One complete year.

3. We just had Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanza... we don't really need another holiday just yet. I'm still recovering from that sugar shock.

The cookie jar isn't even empty yet.

4. It's a time to make resolutions that we know we won't keep past January.

Truth. I change for no one.

5. There's nothing left to celebrate at 12:01am.

Party's over.

6. New Year's decorations are crap. The tacky cardboard glasses, overabundance of confetti and rainbow of glitter are sad excuses for decorations. I'm wholly unimpressed by New York's giant sparkly countdown ball.


7. The TV specials generally gets pretty crappy performers for the midnight performances. This year was Lil Wayne. Sorry, but I'm a hater. And haters gonna hate. 

Go home.

8. There's no traditional New Year's food. Christmas and Valentine's Day have cookies, Halloween has candy, and Easter has eggs. What does New Year's have to show for itself? Champagne. And no one really likes champagne anyway. But in any case, champagne is not a food. So there.

The pop is cool. But that's about it.

9. New Year's thinks that it's all about fireworks. But that's the 4th of July's territory. So New Year's should step off.


10. New Year Eve day thrives on TV marathons of shows like House, NCIS etc... But these happen all year. And they're really just not that special when they occur so often. 

It's pretty much on 24/7 anyway.

So that's it. Happy friggen' New Years. Here's to casting out 2010 and making the broad assumption that 2011 is going to rock our socks off.


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