I Hate Girl Scout Cookies

Once upon a time, many years ago, I wanted to be a Girl Scout. I wanted to be a Brownie with a white polo T-shirt, a brown pleated skirt, and a brown sash that I would fill with badges to signify my awesome accomplishments. When I was in the third grade, the local moms sent out a plea for more girls to sign up for Brownies. There weren't enough girls yet for a troupe and they would be so happy if we would join them.

So I did it. I put myself out there and even convinced several of my close friends to sign up as well. We anticipated camping trips, innumerable badges, and invaluable survival skills. Our excitement was palpable.

From that day on, however, disappointment reigned. We were told that "too many girls had signed up. We would just have to make another troop. There were some leftover badges we could have."

And just like that, the popular girls cliqued off in their Brownies troop with the skirts and their sashes and the high socks and their self-righteousness. My troop never got flippy skirts. We didn't go to the national convention with the other group. We couldn't get the local middle school to let us use the teachers' lounge for meetings. We turned into a group of bitter 8 and 9 year olds.

I only got to sell cookies once, and since we weren't that legit, I never even got to pander my baked goods outside of the local grocery store like the other group. After a few months of haphazard meetings and lackluster activities, we all called it quits. I swore off the Girl Scout for life, boycotting the organization that had refused me.

The Girl Scouts are everywhere now. When most people think of the Girl Scouts of America, we think of this:

The cookies. They mock me.
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So I would put cookies out of my mind. I always liked Oreos better anyway (Nabisco should totally pay me for that plug). I would look the other way of their tables and sign up sheets. I could totally play the avoidance game. I mean, not really, once I discovered that they're effing delicious, but I don't care, because I still hate them on principle.

It was all cool until the Girl Scouts started to push my buttons by invading other facets of my daily life. It started like this:

Ice cream is my favorite treat. F U Girl Scouts.
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And then they took over the queen of all dairies:

Mother of Cholesterol.
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And followed me to the cosmetic aisle:

Petroleum Jelly Cookies...Yum?
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The cookies that had sullied my childhood and haunted my past were following me. I write this post today, in March of 2012 because they've come back once again. The Girl Scouts have pushed their cookies into yet another business sector: Project SugarEverywhereOMGCandyBarzzz

I call coercive monopoly.
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Apparently, these cookies are going to follow me forever, as a constant reminder of when I participated in the organization's most dysfunctional and forgotten about troupe. Give me enough time and therapy, and I'll get over it. Probably. Until then, I'm just going to give the stink-eye to every little kiddie sitting behind a table in her sash and beret, telling me to support the Girl Scouts. That'll teach them.

Reading Period/Finals Post

Don't tell me that I don't have time for this post, because I already know. There are papers to write, projects to finish, and... I don't know, other knowledge to acquire.

Fortunately, as a concentrator in the humanities, I have no standard finals (as in, no three hour sessions) this semester. But before you say "ZOMG I HATE YOU," remember that this means that all of my papers, projects, and take home finals are due before finals period. Basically, I am not slacking off during finals while the science concentrators occupy the libraries. I'm just doing it all a week early.

Reading period/finals is a time of high stress, tears (especially when this happens) and simply not enough sleep. Here's a tiny list of ways I know it's...that time of the semester again.

Here's what finals period means to me:

• My diet consists mainly of high-sugar foods and caffeinated beverages. I have a theory that as long as I keep drinking Diet Coke, I won't have to sleep. Ever. This also means that I become particularly hyperactive by about 11:30pm every night.

Probs why my brain feels like it's exploding.
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• My flash drive is forever hooked to my wallet and keys. As I run all over the place, from dorm to library to dhall to study room, I end up writing papers on so many different computers that I don't bother saving content to actual machines anymore. Consequently, my entire life is saved on this here flash drive.

If this ever gets lost, I'm dropping out of school.

• I never leave Winthrop House. I choose not to study in libraries because 1. I simply won't surround myself with that much stress and 2. I'm too ADHD to study/write paper writing without walking around every once in a while, which is glared at and frowned upon in Lamont and Widener. Instead, I live in my room and in the dhall, where I don't feel like the silence is eating me, I can sit in un-lady-like poses, and no one will stop me from bouncing around with glee whenever I finish a paragraph.

And here are some more general indicators of the finals season.

• Everyone either looks really classy or really sloppy. Classiness means that they haven't had time to do laundry and all they have left are dress clothes. Sloppy means that they roll out of bed, change from PJs to sweats and go about their business (I fall into the latter category). Normal dress is scarce during finals period.

These count as real pants, right?
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• People camp in libraries. I've seen people bring pillow, blankets, and entire meals to their cubicles in order to make sure they never lose their precious study spots. Last year, someone brought a rice cooker. I've seen people leave their belongings while they run home to shower (for hours). And when a new library patron removes a camper's belongings, performing a coup d'etat of their study carol, well, civil war ensues. Are we seeing why I don't frequent the library during this time of year anymore?

Please, just leave every once in a while.
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• The I'm-so-busy competition goes into full swing. Example:
• Student 1: Ohmygod I have so much work to do. I have like 4 papers and 4 finals.
• Student 2: Yeah, well I have papers to write and 4 exams in 2 days and I'm working a shift at the homeless shelter.
• Student 3: Yeah, well I have 4 exams at the same time on the same day and I'm rescuing kittens with the ASPCA on that day.
• Student 4: Yeah, well I have to turn in a project and take an astrophysics exam right after I moderate a GOP debate.

Guess what. We all have things to do.

The point is, we're almost done and this is certainly not the time to lose our sanity. Finals period sucks, but it sucks for every single person on campus. It's a stressful, tiring, and not a whole lot of fun, but we'll have the entire month of January to sleep it off. Let's just throw ourselves a pity party and move on.

But actually.
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