10 Things That Don't Belong on Facebook

Also check out this sweet Chrome extension
that turns pictures of baby humans into
pictures of baby animals and other cool things!
(unbaby.me)

PHOTO DON'Ts

1. Gratuitous photos of your new baby
Or gratuitous baby anything. To spare the internet a repeat of this rant, check out this article that I wrote for ModernMom.com on the Do's and Don'ts of mommy-postings.

2. Photos of food
Because Facebook isn't Instagram, and food should stay on Instagram.
**If you're a baker who posts albums of your latest cakes/cupcakes/sugary treats, though, please disregard this and never ever stop with the pictures.

3. Full makeup/scantily dressed photos with the caption "I may not be pretty, but I have a big heart."
It's needy and depressing, but not enough so to actually give anyone else the feels.

4. Photos of guns and/or dead deer/turkeys
And with this, I'm also going to give a double thumbs down to any profile pictures of trucks with tints and lift kits. Insert any Jeff Foxworthy "you might be a redneck if..." quip here.

5. Save the world with a like/share!
This orphan has a collapsed lung, early onset rheumatoid arthritis AND the bubonic plague! 10,000 likes and doctors will save her!1!!11!

Additionally, Bill Gates is not giving a million dollars to everyone who shares a photo of him holding a photoshopped sign.

STATUS DON'Ts

6. Blathering statuses about political issues
Annoying, but acceptable in November of a Presidential election year. At any other time, literally no one wants to hear your political opinions. Start a blog or go back to the debate team.

7. Love notes to your significant other
It's verbal PDA and it's gross.

8. Gotcha messages to your exes and/or haters
Facebook is no clothesline, so stop airing out your dirty laundry. NOW GO PUT SOME ALOE ON THAT BURN.

9. Show spoilers
Don't be that guy. Please. #RedWedding

10. Anything that looks or sounds like this:

Sarah Soopersad: =(

Bethany Bestfriend: oh no! whats up gurl?
Sarah Soopersad: dont wanna talk about it
Bethany Bestfriend: ill call u
Sarah Soopersad: no


There you have it, folks. Now go out and make the people love you.

Winklevoss: it's over. Let it go.

Reading my way through the New York Times online, I found this gem:

Twins’ Facebook Fight Rages On

I urge everyone to read this article, knowing that the Winklevoss twins are NOT indicative of the Harvard norm. I think it's about time for them to give up on this fight against Mark Zuckerberg. The Facebook fight is over and they haven't even lost. Here are a few reasons why it's time for them to give it up:

1. They've already won $20 million in cash and $45 million in Facebook shares. You're rich. Congratulations.

I will never make this much money in my entire life.

2. The Winklevoss name is irreversibly attached to Facebook. The Social Network has made sure of that. They're known for the website *almost* as much as Mark is.

But not without a few enemies.

3. They're independently successful...even without Facebook:

• Harvard graduates
• Independently wealthy
• Olympic athletes
• They're attractive - girls aren't rejecting them because of the Facebook scandal.

They're doing something right, anyway.

It's time for the Winklevoss twins to give it up before people start to think that they're petty and only concerned about money.... imagine that. They've gotten a lot out of this court settlement and, personally, I don't think that they're going to get much more, no matter how long they drag out this ordeal. 

Yeah, it's the biggest thing on the interwebs. NBD.

I'm sure that this settlement is not the most important case that our courts could be spending their time on. There are bigger and meaner baddies out there than Mark Zuckerberg. Let's take care of them first.