Insomnia

Ironic. It's currently 2:42am.
Source

Every once in a while, it happens. Like now. All I want is to fall asleep. PLEASE LORD I HAVE CLASS AT 10am TOMORROW. Classes have only been in session for one day and I will just not deal with turning into an insomniac this early in the year. I've been awake since 10am with no naps and I am simply not tired. Actually, my head feels kind of fuzzy and I feel kind of sick, but that's typical fare for when I can't sleep. I get really angsty and irritated and mehmehmeh when it takes me over an hour to drift off. I wouldn't really be concerned if I thought this was an isolated incident, but I know what it means.

Anxiety is (more than likely) coming. Back spasms, perpetually sore shoulders, increased heart rate, and a mind that's on a billion and three things at once (not yet, but give it a week or so). What this all means is that I am illogical. I know that there is no reason whatsoever for me to turn into a flaming stressnugget in the first week of class, but there's not a whole lot that I can do about it. I don't have a list of things to do that's a mile long. I don't have to worry about not getting lotteried into my classes. There's not even any work to do yet. So why am I seemingly preparing for an onslaught of impossible situations? Good freaking question. Calm the hell down brain. If this is me in the first week of class, I'm going to be dead my the time midterms roll around.

Maybe I'm playing the world's smallest violin right now, but there's honestly nothing so frustrating as not being able to fall asleep when you know you've got to get up the next day. I've only had one full night of insomnia in my life (like, not falling asleep ever) and it was a terrible, horrible, awful experience. Then I got to attend 4 hours of class feeling like my head was going to explode and I was going to vom all over. Nice.

In order to combat my epic self pity, I'm going to watch the following music video over and over and over. I don't speak French, I don't listen to a whole lot of French music (although I love Yelle), and I don't really like any of his other music too much, but this might be one of my favorite songs. You're welcome.

I Ramble.

Damn.

Apparently I adapt to sleeping changes rather quickly. After four days of waking up early to go skiing, I now cannot seem to sleep in to a Sunday-in-college appropriate hour. More specifically, I woke up at EIGHT THIRTY this morning. This is unacceptable seeing how I went to bed at about 3:30am. Why on earth does my body think that it can function properly on five hours of sleep? Why the hell am I not in deep slumber with visions of sugar plums dancing in my head?



Brunch doesn't start until noon and there' a snowball's chance in hell that anyone else would be awake so early. There's no one to talk to, but there's a whole lot of silence screaming at me from my empty common room. Early on a Sunday, there are only so many options to keep myself occupied. For example:

• Lay in bed for 45 minutes, willing myself to sleep. Fail.
• Check my email over and over, willing the intertubes to send me something to respond to. Fail.
• Read Lolita. Semi-success.
• Stare out the window like a cat in front of a bird feeder. And wonder how the sun can be so bright and cheery so early in the morning. Boring.
• Think about how early I'm going to be tired tonight. I'll give myself until about 9pm. Crap.
• Wonder if the insomnia that plagued me last semester is returning, but with sleeplessness moving to the morning rather than when I go to sleep. Really, REALLY hope not.

Oh, and I can ramble about my troubles on the internet. This is officially the most boring blog post ever, but what else can I do so early in the morning? Classes haven't even started yet, so there's no work to do.

I fail so hardcore that I even fail at sleeping. So.Much.Fail.

The tree is a metaphor for life. I'm so deep.