Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Why I read the newspaper police logs

Everyone thinks I'm crazy. When I tell people that I check my hometown newspaper's criminal reports like...daily, they generally stare at me all googly eyed and ask why I'm so paranoid.

Well, it's because every once in a while, I find people who I went to middle and/or high school with in those police reports. How else am I supposed to find out who has been arrested if I don't stay on top of my game?

Here's a short list of crimes that I've found my peers to have committed, thanks to public police logs:
  • Theft/burglary/larceny
  • All sorts of drug possession (and related offenses)
  • Assault/battery/strangulation
  • Violation of restraining orders
I come from a middle class, rural, hole in the wall town. When did I became associated with real live hooligans? Granted, the DUI/DWI-ers aren't what I would call terrifying, but the neighbor that was arrested for strangulation and aggravated assault? I don't understand. I just don't.

I've seen more crime than I ever would have expected come out of my little neck of the woods, and I'm not totally sure when it started to involve people that I actually know. I must say that I'm an adamant supporter of public records and even though I get the heebie jeebies every time I see a familiar name in the police reports, I'm glad that I know who and where the real creeps are.

To all the hoodlums who think I'm just too goodygoody and mainstream: stealing/shoplifting doesn't make you cool. Driving when you're hammered doesn't make you cool. Distributing illicit substances doesn't make you cool. If you want to be "different," go dye your hair or, I don't know, make a friend or something. If you break the law, you deserve to be in the paper for it. And I'll know. Because I always check.

Stay off of my lawn, you thugs.

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