Thursday, July 28, 2011

How to: Bruise your body and your pride simultaneously

If you don't want to walk down the street with me after reading this, I'll understand.

I have an entirely unsatisfactory sense of coordination. I walk into things embarrassingly often and I got lost the first time I drove from my home to the shopping mall (it's directly down the highway). Also, I may or may not have fallen down a flight of stairs yesterday. And by that, I mean that my rear is now acquainted with about 75% of the steps in my two-floor dorm room. It hurt a bit, but I quickly stood up, dusted off my bruised ego and fled the room like it was laughing at me.

Today, everything has changed, and I've acquired 4 quadrants of pain. The first is my right ankle, the one that I sprained to the size of a melon in high school. The one that left me on crutches for a month. Fabulous. I suppose going on the eliptical a few hours after the incident didn't help much. It also probably didn't help that I essentially fell down a different flight of stairs last week, twisting this same ankle... I don't do well with stairs, alright?

The second is my hand/wrist area, which I didn't realize I had even hit until typing on a keyboard started to hurt. Oh, this is my right hand. Like, the one I use to write, carry things, etc.

The third is in that hiney-to-upper leg connector area. It's sporting a lovely discoloration and since it's on the connector, it hurts to both sit and walk. I have enough padding down there to keep me safe from general harm, but it was a lot of stairs.

And the fourth is my arm, which apparently took the brunt of the fall. I lost a bit of skin in the process and was left with a raised area that hurt like a fiery brand, but I've always thought that battle wounds were kind of bad-ass. If anyone asks, I'll probably just say that I fought an angry badger or something. He put up a solid fight, but I beasted him.
Scrape badger claw mark on my elbow.

It's all puffy in real life.

The principle reason behind me taking the short way down the stairs was that the flip flops I was wearing are about 5 years old, meaning that any semblance of traction they once would have had is completely gone. Actually, wearing them kind of feels like walking around on a freshly waxed floor at all times. Other places I've almost died while wearing these sandals include in my bedroom, in the bathroom, in the hall, and various other locations with a tiled or wooden floor. Could it be time for me to invest in a new pair of flip flops? I do think so. But I love this pair because they're sturdy and comfortable to wear for an entire day of walking. Based on that criteria, I want a pair of Birkenstocks, Rainbows, or Reefs, but I'll walk around barefoot before I spend so much money on sandals.

I'll also point out that the stairs are wooden and there is no handrail. Try to pull that crap in a senior center and tell me someone doesn't get sued.


  1. Careful! A girl on my swim team got a concussion in the locker room from wearing scuffed flip flops...ack! April sperry.