Monday, March 7, 2011

Reasons why I hate my closet

1. It's not actually in my bedroom. Harvard architecture at its finest.

2. It's darker than subterranean cave. Like, for real. I shouldn't have to use a snake lamp to illuminate my clothing. BUT I DO. It's only a matter of time before stalactites form and bats rush at me when I open the door.
Oh look at that. It's my closet.
3. The great shoe disaster - This is comparable to when the laundry machine eats one sock and leaves its mate behind. My closet frequently eats just one of my shoes. I swear, my closet is host to a kraken that pulls my belongings into its inky depths.
4. It's full of crap, yet doesn't contain the portal to a mystical world. I know it's not a wardrobe, BUT STILL.

5. Pitch dark + epic mess of shoes = April spending an inordinate amount of time staring at the ground and rifling through a mess. Upon standing up, vertigo ensues, I want to barf, and I'm forced to re-acclimate my eyes to standard lighting. Solution: Sue my closet for medical costs.

Teach me your ways, Bill O'Reilly.

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