Tuesday, June 11, 2013

10 Things That Don't Belong on Facebook

Also check out this sweet Chrome extension
that turns pictures of baby humans into
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1. Gratuitous photos of your new baby
Or gratuitous baby anything. To spare the internet a repeat of this rant, check out this article that I wrote for ModernMom.com on the Do's and Don'ts of mommy-postings.

2. Photos of food
Because Facebook isn't Instagram, and food should stay on Instagram.
**If you're a baker who posts albums of your latest cakes/cupcakes/sugary treats, though, please disregard this and never ever stop with the pictures.

3. Full makeup/scantily dressed photos with the caption "I may not be pretty, but I have a big heart."
It's needy and depressing, but not enough so to actually give anyone else the feels.

4. Photos of guns and/or dead deer/turkeys
And with this, I'm also going to give a double thumbs down to any profile pictures of trucks with tints and lift kits. Insert any Jeff Foxworthy "you might be a redneck if..." quip here.

5. Save the world with a like/share!
This orphan has a collapsed lung, early onset rheumatoid arthritis AND the bubonic plague! 10,000 likes and doctors will save her!1!!11!

Additionally, Bill Gates is not giving a million dollars to everyone who shares a photo of him holding a photoshopped sign.


6. Blathering statuses about political issues
Annoying, but acceptable in November of a Presidential election year. At any other time, literally no one wants to hear your political opinions. Start a blog or go back to the debate team.

7. Love notes to your significant other
It's verbal PDA and it's gross.

8. Gotcha messages to your exes and/or haters
Facebook is no clothesline, so stop airing out your dirty laundry. NOW GO PUT SOME ALOE ON THAT BURN.

9. Show spoilers
Don't be that guy. Please. #RedWedding

10. Anything that looks or sounds like this:

Sarah Soopersad: =(

Bethany Bestfriend: oh no! whats up gurl?
Sarah Soopersad: dont wanna talk about it
Bethany Bestfriend: ill call u
Sarah Soopersad: no

There you have it, folks. Now go out and make the people love you.

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