Skiers and snowboarders belong to a select group of winter sports-people – we’re willing to wake up early, brave frigid temperatures, and pay absolutely ludicrous prices for a cup of Swiss Miss hot cocoa. However, there is a list of rules that comes with the mountain – an etiquette that all skiers and riders should follow, in order for the earth to revolve more smoothly. One cannot simply walk (or ski) into Mordor. Here’s a list I’ve come up with that ski resort patrons should really follow. For the betterment of humankind.
In the lodge
- Leave your table at an appropriate time after you’ve finished eating/drinking/conversing – Seating is generally tight and difficult to find, so don’t be a table hog.
- Allow your helmet, coat, mittens etc to each have their own chairs – Again, when seating is tight, your outerwear just isn’t important enough to sit in its own seat…no matter how much you paid for it.
|This is not your house.|
On the slopes
- Ski/snowboard on trails that match your level – Advanced skiers aren’t supercool when they zip down beginner trails. Actually, they just scare the bajesushchrist out of the little snow babies who are tethered to their parents. Similarly, if you’re a beginner, kindly keep off of the black diamond trails. I know you think you’re SICK, DAWG for trying those moguls, but no one likes the kid who snowplows down the mountain, an inch at a time, in everyone else’s way.
- Get up after you’ve fallen – unless something is broken, or the snow is being stained red, get out of the way. Everyone falls, so get up and keep moving.
- Cut in front of other people – it’s irritating, dangerous, and again, does NOT make you look superbadass because you can flail all over the trail.
- Go under the black and orange rope that closes off an unsafe trail – that is, don’t become “that idiot” who breaks his/her leg halfway down the mountain and has to wait for hours before he/she is found because the ski patrol is busy patrolling OPEN TRAILS.
- Laugh at little kids – they’ve probably been in ski school since their birth and can consequently ski your pants off
- Laugh at old people on the mountain – because they’ve probably been skiing since before your birth and can also ski your pants off.
|This does not belong exclusively to one person. Share.|
On the ski lift
- Talk with the random person who sits next to you at the last minute – don’t get all pouty because you thought you were going to get the chair to yourself. If you don’t talk to the other person, the ride turns into a giant, silent, awkward turtle. Also, start the conversation early, because if you wait until you’re halfway up the mountain, that’s awkward too.
- Lower the bar – because if you’re sitting with me, I’ll likely freak if there’s nothing preventing me from falling to my death. And you don’t want my death on your hands. I’m a liability.
- Bounce up and down – no one likes “that guy” who turns the lift into a see-saw. Imagine your chairmate ralphing from 40 feet up. In a snowsuit. Ew.
- Yell and scream when the lift stops – because 1. It’s irritating and 2. The lift controllers in their little huts CANNOT hear you. Shut up and wait for movement to resume.
|This is not a see-saw|
In the gondola
- Make conversation with your car-mates – see note about making conversation with a lift chair-mate.
- Smoke doobies in the gondola car – because I really, really don’t like stepping in a car to find that it smells like weed.
|This is not a hotbox.|
These aren’t difficult rules and they aren’t anything that common sense wouldn’t tell you to do. In general, enjoy the awesomeness of lots of snow and spectacular views. Don’t think you’re MAD AWESOME because you disobey the rules that the nice ski patrollers have posted everywhere. Don’t be rambunctious or act like an angsty, impulsive tween. Oh, and stay off of my lawn.